Mills’ Bar Room Brawl

I have this foreboding feeling that i’m going to die of old age without my best friends.

Dora is getting engaged soon, and not to me. She first broke the news at Digi centre where she works ; Me sandwiched between two Banglas waiting to register their lines, her standing infront of me waiting for her turn to speak (i was telling her about the new contact lense i’m about to get). When she’s done telling me, i’m done breathing. I actually dropped the keys i was holding, and THAT was my reaction to engagement. It’s not that i do not condone happily-ever-after ( now i seriously think the idea of marriage is Hallmark’s evil strategy for best friends to leave their best friends), but i find it unbelievable; i still see us in pony tails and our ’smurf’ like uniforms and the idea of us getting hitch is still foreign.

So yeah, i spent the night drowning my sorrow in yet another boozeless night at Segafreddo, trying to consume the idea of my best friend’s imminent engagement and inevitable marriage.

And my best friend numero dos, Eddy, too, bites the dust.

Eversince Eddy decided to walk down the ’serious’ road with Maria, he became so far away, physically and emotionally. i felt it most because prior to the age of Maria, he was my man-bitch. He was my stylist, my fashion advisor, my kamasutra talk companion, and he is also one of the few straight-as-a-ruler men who gossips. He even helped me picked out my lingerie!

I missed our Coffee Bean days, where it would just be the two of us, drinking coffee and eating the occasional cheesecake, talking of our innermost fears, and hopes, and old crushes and sweethearts.

If anybody sees that fat, naked, little, winged bugger named Cupid, tell him i have scores to settle with him. He ain’t gonna play me for chumps.

Ah hell. I’m gonna die an old lady with too many handbags. Pfttttttt.

The omnipresent ‘THEY’ once said regardless of how beautiful you are, a girl’s dating cycle is already predetermined. There would be a dry period, when no men alive would do the classic double take and have a keen interest in you, and then the wet period would arrive, when the dates start to pour in and you’re booked for three months.

My wet period came rather late, after a 2 months hiatus. Within 2 weeks, two men came forth and announce their crushes on me!

I’m delighted, sure. Coz it’s been a loooong time since anyone actually listens to what i’ve got to say. One of them actually reads (looking at boobs in FHM and Victoria’s Secret catalogue are not reading,guys!). Anyone knows me for more than one month would know i like a guy who reads. They are a rare breed.

I’ve mastered the art of ‘it’s-okay-to-have-crushes-but-thou-shalt-not-act-on-it’.

And earlier this week, Eddy told me that a guy name Sany claimed he either slept with me or Emily.

Let me just say that both of us don’t even know he existed until that afternoon, much less flashing him our boobs.

And while i’m at it, can i just clear this old rumour? I did not kiss/make out/had bed aerobics with Aidi Shahril either! Yes, i’ve dated him for 2 weeks, but that was before i realised we would never have the connection that is essential in order for a relationship to survive.

I had to do this because no less than 3 people had come to me and asked me the question, and it makes me even more mad that he’s been telling people i am indeed his ex-gf (that’s true, FOR HIM. Anything shorter than a month is not a relationship to me).

All this ‘intimate moment’ rumours are damaging and disturbing. Don’t men ever grow up? Do they just go around carving an invisible notch on their bedpost to be more superior than other men?

The topic of men eludes me.

Early this week, a dazed looking rat crossed my path. I made some noises, hoping it would run away, but it didn’t. It went on looking daze and apparently, deaf too.

Then the rat looked at me, and GAGGED! I was like, Ok, am i that BAD looking?

Well, i’d like to think it ate some rat poison served by the chinese kopitiam nearby.

Or else i’m going for a plastic surgery already.

This is more interesting though. I recently found out that a friend of mine had sex with his ex, and was stupid enough to capture it on his phone, which was subsequently found by his current girlfriend.

What anger me most is that i expected so much more from the guy! Since i was there throughout the break-up (girl cheated on him, he found out, they broke up scenerio), I thought for what it’s worth, he’d be wise enough not to make the same mistake twice!

Then, during a chat with a colleague, he told me that was a rather typical thing, coz men, they get sick of eating ‘nasi lemak’ everyday, hence they develope the urge to eat nasi kandar occasionally.

And then it got me to thinking; If ALL men possess the exact mentality, then women are definitely hell-bound for sure.

In a relationship, all of us are walking on thin ice. We are careful about the way we dress, we take the effort to be in shape, we are outrageously in tune with the sex ‘menu’.

We could be the Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa of all Nasi Lemak-dom, but then one day, our men decide to eat nasi kandar, and that hurts the most because it happened regardless of the efforts we took.

So, yeah, in view of the topic above, i hope my friend skated ‘home’ alone, coz hell freezed over in his relationship palace when his girlfriend found out.

Two weeks ago, a friend had a problem with an ex. Now i’m having the same problem.

He came back, and i can’t help but to feel that he wanted more than just being friends. I, on the other hand, wanted things to be as simple as it was 6 years back. I know it isn’t easy to take a step back, but his politics of ‘I’m-not-ready-to-hear-you-talking-about-other-guys and when-i-say-dinner-with-you-I-meant-only-with-you-and-not-with-your-other-friends are making it harder. Two nights ago, he bailed out on me, left me waiting for 2 hours without even as sms to say that he couldn’t make it for dinner, just because i invited Shidi and Arif along.

And then i question this : Should exes remain exes?

I start to believe that there’s no way you can be a friend with an ex. The line between ‘friends’ and ‘ex’ is surprisingly thin, i don’t think i know which side i am standing on when it comes to him.

I tried walking in his shoes, discover what is it like to be him and whatnot, but i just can’t see it to be complicated.

Maybe his shoes just doesn’t fit.