Mills’ Bar Room Brawl

Holidays are very depressing when you spent it alone, locked up in your room, wrecking your cellphone trying to find another one or two lonely souls to share the lonely time with.

I didn’t have such priviledge. Everyone has someone special to snog with, with or without the mistletoe. Two of my current closest friends are busy lining up dates. Tikus even had two dates in one day!

Christmas eve i went to Jerejak, then we headed off to Soho for foosball and a pint of Kilkenny. With my luck, i attracted the wrong sorts like a moth to a flame. As i was sitting alone nursing my drink, a Danish dude chatted me up and in his drunken slur, told me he’s a porn star.

It would be a dream come true to me if he was my favourite porn star, namely Nacho Vidal, or what the heck, Rocco Siffredi. But this bleached blond white trash that sat infront of me was certainly a far cry from that. I tried to call his bluff, but i was too sleepy to care. So what if he isn’t a porn star? Althought, i would kill to know what makes him think THAT would be an absolute pick up line?

But as i sat listening to bullshits Mr.Porn Star was dishing out, i felt even more lonely. It’s Christmas eve and i certainly didn’t wanna be out there talking nonsense to a stranger who fucks for cash. I never felt so lonely.I told myself, it’s okay, plenty of people spend thousand years being alone. A Sanyasi spent his whole life denoucing earthy belongings and relationships and they’re happy trying to be one with God.

Sometimes i wonder why i get tested this way and how long this would go. When will it end? I don’t want to think about it too much and ended up standing on my head in my drawers at Ganges river bank.

I had a nice and uplifting conversation with John. He said and i quote "It’s not the tragedy of life that makes you stronger. It’s what happens after that".

A close friend of mine told me his parents are getting a divorce.

His dad cheat on his mom. His handphone sold him off.

Dude, if u have to cheat, don’t use handphone. Jadi macam bangla, pakai public phone. It won’t bite you in the ass.

I was dumbfounded, because the father didn’t fit the type of a cheating man.

But then again, cheaters come in all shape and sizes. There’s no prototype, no profile of a cheater. There’s no telling who are capable of cheating.

I no longer have faith in relationships, much less marriage. I think it takes a lot of work, trust, and commitment to succeed in one. Love is not enough. There are men who make women strays, and there are women who make men strays. Fighting temptation is the hardest act in this day and age.

I see my own reflection whenever people talk about cheating hearts.

Not that i have one-lah, but sometimes when the lies and rumors are repeated long enough, it finally seems true.

Remember Tikus? He’s the dude who said if he had me as a girlfriend, he’d worry like cock. Yeah, being the in-your-face person that he is, in between drinks, he said "You’re a fucking man la. Why do you have breast? You fucking think like a man, you talk like a man, and you even fucking cheat like a man!"

I wouldn’t ask Mr.Midnight to tame me if i’m a man. I am one of those submissive women who loves to be controlled, to be shackled down and to be tamed.

Playing with fire, that boy. Tsk tsk.

I met my ex-coursemate for lunch, and the first sentence she uttered was, "Are you okay? I read your blog".

Not that i enjoy getting the attention. I love it when people come in here and read.

But that’s what you get you know. When you decided to share your life with the public, it’s an open book. Your personal life is not so personal anymore.

It was all over between Mr.Midnight and I.

With the right frame of mind, i know he knows i did what i did because i didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want him to think that he came back from Australia just to find out his girlfriend’s cheating on him. That wasn’t the case.

I can’t possibly justify what i did. It seemed so wrong.

A wise drunkard once told me that no relationship could survive without trust.

I think it’s not the lack of trust that kills a relationship.

It’s the lack of commitment.

A relationship could still survive without trust. If you want it so much, you would just close one eye and allow him to do things that might put him in a compromising position.

But it’s the lack of commitment that kills a relationship in the end.

A friend said in amazement that my love life is like a romance novel. Only now i have to write its own happy ending.

"Manusia Hawa dicipta dari rusuk manusia Adam,

Bukan dari kepalanya untuk dijunjung,

Bukan pula dari kakinya untuk dijadikan pengalasnya,

Tetapi dari sisinya untuk dijadikan teman hidup,

Dekat dengan lengannya untuk dilindungi,

Dan juga dekat pada hatinya untuk dicintai" - Prophet Muhammad Hadith.

A friend of mine found himself in love with a married woman.

I questioned myself the very question as i was walking around the office, would i allow myself to fall in love with a married man?

Would you?