Mills’ Bar Room Brawl

One of my colleague asked why the Malays get to marry four wives.

"Was it because the religion allows it, so a man gets to shop for wives even after marriage? Does that also mean the sanctity of marriage means squat to you people?"

YOU PEOPLE!? Suddenly, I felt like a leper from the 70’s Pulau Jerejak.

My answer is simple: Miang.

You see, my friend, Islam does in fact, allow polygamy but it was within reasons.

I heard some of you saying, "But the Prophet himself had 4 wives, and through out His live he had more than 9 wives! We must practice His way of life as long as we’re just to the women we called wives. And you, devil woman, should not even question that!"

Nice theory, but seriously, that sentiment is enough to belittle women, an anti-thesis to one of Islam’s objective: To liberate women.

Number one, let’s face it, no man can serve two master. (Again and again, Mark Twain was right).

When you say the Prophet had 4 wives hence you should marry four also, you’re just finding reasons to support your Cheating Heart Foundation.

But do you know how polygamy came about?

When the Prophet started establishing the religion, it was a time of war. Many of his men died on the battlefield, leaving widows and orphans behind. Women, at that time and under pagan culture, were mere properties. Without their husbands, they were badly off. There was no such thing as Prada wearing, hand phone totting working power women. Islam was the religion to liberate women, to help them fend for themselves.

Hence, polygamy came in. The religion allowed the guardians of the orphans to marry widows, helping them to start anew. And back then, I can bet my bottom dollar polygamy was nothing sexual. It was a noble act. It wasn’t about having your heaven on earth, a personal harem of 4 women to satiate a man’s sexual needs under one roof. It was about providing the basic and emotional needs to women and orphans, giving them hope and faith to journey on life. Polygamy was also the way to protect widows by marriage because there weren’t any form of social welfare systems or facilities as we see in present days.

Today, the Quranic penal law of polygamy is obsolete. Women are independent and they could already earn a living as much as a man could. My mother is an excellent example. After my father’s demise, she single handedly bring up 4 children without a man’s help.

Based on these reasons, Tunisia, Lebanon and Turkey had long banned polygamy.

Ever wonder why Malaysia is still practicing it?

Before you bring in another wife, ask yourself this: Is the woman you’re marrying next an orphan?

Is she a widower?

Most likely the answer would be a young, single and attractive girl. Then you know that you’re not marrying another because the religion permits, but because the sanctity of marriage means squat to you.

So spare me the bullshit about following the Prophets way of life. In the hands of men, polygamy has turned into a legal way to be unfaithful.

My colleague, Joe, has left the building.

He announced he was going to pursue his studies after spending two years in Motorola.

Althought he sat just 2 feet away from where my butt would be from 9-5 everyday, I rarely talk to him. Just the usual ‘Good Morning’ and occasional geek flirting when i’m extremely bored. So it was not something i would shout about when i was roped in to buy him a farewell gift.

I know he’s a very funny guy. Sometimes when i scooted over to his cube to tease him, he would inched away whenever he sensed i was about to playfully hit him on the shoulder. When asked by Alex whether he had any girl he fantasized over, in a geeky way he answered some Korean star which evidently by now eluded me.

It took us almost 2 hours just to come up with a suggestion. Some suggested pewter (oh dear god), some suggested T-shirt. If it was up to me, i’d buy him a butt plug and a dominatrix set and be done with it. After all he’s still a man.

It took us even longer to decide on a gift when we were standing at a sport store. We had a Parlimen-like debate over a Puma and a Jansports bag.

Then it hit me. It’s amazing how i spent 10 hours with this dude everyday yet i don’t really know him at all.

Except the fact that he loves to pick his ear and sometimes smells the wax.

I can’t stand to see two people sharing sloppy kisses in public or in the presence of other people, especially enstranged suddenly-single people like myself. I’m okay with a light peck on the lips or cheek, or even a gentle squeeze of the bum, but I’m definitely not okay with wet-sounding-kisses.

It’s not because I’m orthodox. I’m far from that, but is Public Display of Affection really necessary?

I shared a lift with a Chinese couple last week and as I was waiting for the indicator to jump from level B to level 2, I heard soft giggles and then some wet lips-smacking sounds, and I knew if I weren’t there they would merrily commit the original sin, just like one porno clip I watched two years back (ahem). I am not to be doubted because I know what I heard and it was definitely not from licking fingers after eating a bucket of KFC.

Immediately I felt out of place.

Coming from Penang and as well brought up as I am (except for some minor flaws that I picked up from mixing with bad company) I didn’t know whether to look or to look away.

I could slap the girl and then claim temporary insanity. But in my heart I was shouting “Get a room la, come on!”

There are many types of human. Some taxes me, and some humor me. A dear friend of mine enjoys watching animals mating on Animal Planet, because she claimed animals share sacred sex and they won’t bang each other in the open.

Although I think that only applies to cats. I saw dogs doing it by the road side too many times already, I stop keeping count.

Is there such thing as relationship karma?

Well, i think i paid everything in cash in the past month. I went thru everything there is. Depression, suicidal, mood swings, you name it.

People say what goes around comes around. I’m not waiting for someone to cheat on me or the likes, coz i don’t think it’ll ever going to happen. Because what i went thru right then was karma happening.

I feel my faith in myself has renew. I went for a haircut just last week, then decided to curl my hair.

I did some yoga when i could find the time.

I’m at my happiest today. I found the answer to get over a depression.

His name is Nacho (not his actual name. Imagine the look on people’s faces when they know who i am currently dating), and i know he’ll be good.

Just when i thought i had bad luck when it comes to relationship, my eldest sister just had her hardest and beats mine by 10 miles.

Her marriage is on the rocks and i have a feeling a divorce is taking place. Either that or she has to share her love with the third party.

This is the sort of situation that even shoe shopping won’t help. Forget Baskin Robbins.They do nothing except putting extra inches to your hips.

Emily told me this as i was putting on mascara and getting ready to celebrate my life. Part of me felt incredibly selfish to leave my sister alone and have fun when she was obviously in need of support. But i bargained, some quality time with my best friend Eddy is way overdue, and his company was just what i needed.

Then as i was playing foosball with a guy who looks exactly like Nacho Vidal (hehe), it got me to thinking, why do we build relationships when eventually we’d either lose the person to infidelity or death?

Death and taxes aren’t two definite things in life. Infidelity is one of the things as well as i have always mentioned.

The silver lining to my situation was i learned who my true friends are. One of my childhood friend whom i was extremely close with  was actually the one who sold me off.

Mark Twain is right. Almost everyone would side you when you’re in the right, but only true friends are on your side when you are in the wrong.

Also, if you have to get married, please get a pre-nup.

Finally accepting my ‘Suddenly Single’ status, i checked into Vistana Hotel at 8 pm on New Year’s Eve. I have no idea why i did that but lacking the fund for a holiday faraway from Penang, i thought i could fool myself by just staying in a hotel room and pamper myself.

Which i did exactly. As soon as i walked into the room, i took my CLEO magazine, made myself a drink, grab my ciggarette and ran the warm bubble bath. And as i tied my hair up and gently let the warm water run over my body, i felt a certain relieve, a composure that i was searching for.

For hours i sat in that tub, thinking, thinking and more thinking. Then suddenly a knock. I grabbed a towel and with splotches of white bubbles on my arm and back, i opened the door and a waiter from the coffeehouse sent up my dinner. I directed him to put my ‘New Year Meal’ (which consist of club sandwiches and fries) on the table and signed the tab.

I was smoking my what seemed like a thousandth ciggarette when there was another knock. It was the waiter again and he wanted to ask me out. In my head i was thinking "Shouldn’t there be a no-dating-customer policy" around here? And i caught myself looking down at my shirt to see if i’m wearing my "Single and Desperate" t-shirt.

Let me tell you this, saying ‘No’ to someone has never been easy for me. But i had to say ‘No’ when he invited himself in. Number one, i was alone. Number two, although he looked cute, he definitely wasn’t my taste and he was wayyy younger. Number three, this is not some porno flick where the waiter came to deliver some bedsheet and the ‘customer’ asked whether he wants to try the sheet.

So we stood at the door, and i swear, this boy has got to be the saddest boy ever. I asked "Do you have a problem that you want to talk about?" and true enough, he just broke up with his girlfriend and needed someone to talk to.

If i’m a bitch, i would tell him "Call Befrienders" and slam the door, but It’s New Year’s Eve, and i too felt alone and there wasn’t anyone to talk to. Everyone was out partying.

I invited him to sit on the hallway floor and we talked for a bit. I told him i’m 26 (false), working at Motorola (true), and in response to why i couldn’t let him into the room, i told him i’m engaged (false), and the reason why i checked into a hotel room eventhough it’s just a stone throw away, or in bahasa, sekangkang kera from my house, is because my engagement is in trouble.

Then it hit me, i was living a lie and it was really neccesary.

And somehow in the weirdest way it was fun to be someone else for 8 minutes. Oh…the drama took a load off my shoulder.

Girls, take it from me. Breaking up was never easy.

But thanks to these survival guides from http://www.stopgettingdumped.com/breakup.html, i pulled thru a month (albeit with two idiotic stunts in between which evidently will go to the grave with me) being single. Scary as it is (i’ve never been single), this is the time where i have to take care of myself, no?

I never thought i would seek advice from an internet self-help guru, but hey, when you’re in my situation, a virtual Dr.Phil is better than healing yourself by going clubbing and meeting all the wrong men.

You’re no longer 18!

And if you ever think of getting back at your ex-boyfriend(s), you can save it. All these "If i’m going down, you’re going down with me" simply has to go. Not only it’s childish, it’s downright sickening and proved that you are as emotionally stable as a watermelon.

To my readers, my new year resolution would be:

1. Stop writing about my past relationships and write more about my other love in life.

2. Do not settle for Mr. Almost Right or Mr.Half-Okay-la.

Till my next post…HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

MUAHS!

XOXOX